Little, Sweet, Makes-it-all-worth-it, Z!!

So growing up, divorce was basically a swear word and you don’t even think about something like that. But I'm divorced and since I have that background, I occasionally question if I did the right thing. But I am lucky enough to have moments where I am reminded that I fully made the correct decision – not only for myself but for my son’s well being.

My boy graduated from Preschool this past weekend. He is seriously the cutest kid on this planet. He took the whole thing so seriously and did wonderful singing the songs and participating in his program.

He was lucky enough to have both his mom and dad there, his dad’s parents, and my dad and his fiancé, along with a cousin of mine (THANK YOU ALLIE and DAD and KELLY so much for coming!!) And it was hard to be there. I recently got dragged into mediation with my ex (by my ex through a court order thank you very much) during which we had a lot of conflict and a lot of high emotions running around. So being in the same room with him after that confrontation was HARD! But we sat in different parts of the room and I warned my dad that he was not to engage them in lengthy conversation. (note – I didn’t forbid him from talking to them at all… which is deep down what I really wanted to do…)

But it was honestly sad to watch my ex and see how this was a bit hard for him. My cousin pointed out and my dad seconded it when I brought it up to him that my ex looked very out of place. And he did seem awkward. At one point, the music teacher just came up to me. I had never met her before but I think she saw Z with me and she started talking about how wonderful he is and Z is her fav student and behind her, I saw my ex come up and try to interject himself into the conversation. I honestly think she really didn’t see him and ya it’s mean but I made no effort to draw him into the conversation.

And my ex’s parents were friendly to me. His mom even asked me at one point how I was doing – and I’m inferring here (based on body language and heck, I knew her for 6 years) but I’m pretty sure she meant “how’re’ya doing being in the same room as your ex?” She even snagged a pic of Z and me (which I thought about doing with Z and his dad but just couldn’t… yet… maybe next graduation.)

So a week or two ago, my ex requested a bit of time to take Z out after the program over email, which I agreed to let him do. After the graduation, I talked to my ex’s mom briefly to tell her that we were going and told her where my ex and I had already agreed on meeting (in our previously mentioned email) and then our group left. Then I got two angry phone calls and several flat out rude texts from his dad. He was pissed at me because I told his mom I was leaving instead of him and he wanted to have a phone convo about it. He's getting really obsessed with talking on the phone. Very stupid and juvenile. It makes it really hard to be nice to him at all when he decides he has to be such a HUGE jerk because of his own insecurities!



So you would probably think that was the moment where I just thought to myself – wow I’m glad I’m not with that jerk!... which is somewhat true because at that moment I was glad I wasn’t married to him. But really, walking out of that program, leaving Z with that side of his family for their hour, I was happy because I know that had we stayed married, his dad wouldn’t have ever made the effort to be a part of something like that. He was so uninvolved in our son’s life. So my aha moment, really, was walking away knowing that by walking away from his dad those 3+ years ago, I had given my son a dad. I know it sounds so crazy and backwards and counter-intuitive but it’s true. And someday, maybe in another life, his dad will owe me a thanks for finally being willing to hold him responsible for his bad behavior and follow through with some natural consequences. Even though we still have unfortunate interaction, my boy is worth it.

So there...!!!!!!!