Vent

(Haha - get it... vent... hehe!!)

I just got an email from my ex telling me he’s going to take my son for all of spring break. It’s not really a surprise because he did the same thing to me over fall break. And it means I don’t have to work out arrangements with Tia Rhea to make sure he’s taken care of during that week since I have to work… but dangit all… I hate thinking about a week away from him. I know I can get things done and do more at work… but I probably won’t. I’m sure he’ll have fun and not even miss me with all the stuff his dad usually plans… but I’ll miss him. I’m glad his dad wants to be in his life but I hate sharing him. I’m like a selfish kid with a toy… I want him here all the time… even when I’m in crazy-stressed-mom zone. For fall break, I took off to the east coast to keep myself occupied. Can’t take off work to do that kind of thing this time… so what do I do with myself?

Good start would probably stop feeling sorry for myself and find positive ways to take advantage of the time I will have to get things done. And hey… at least he gave me some notice this time! I’m pretty lucky to have such a wonderful boy. At least I miss him and don’t wish he were gone more!

Guess I’ll have to start putting together a sweet care package for him… maybe I’ll send flarp and play-dough and all the gross sticky stuff his dad occasionally sends him here so he’ll see how messy and gross it is and stop sending it to my house… cuz that stuff is gross. And cheap! :P

Oh well... guess I’ll be ok… just wanted to be sad for a minute. Guess my minute’s up.

Details...

About two and a half years ago, I was still living in Tucson and one of my very closest friends at the time was Arlene. She is a sweet, loving, caring, giving person. She was diagnosed with cancer in the last half of 2007. As you probably know if you know me, my mom died in January 2005. When my mom was sick, I didn’t get nearly enough time with her. When Arlene was diagnosed, I knew I didn’t want to have the same regrets that I had with my mom so Z and I spent considerable amounts of time with her. As her condition worsened and she went in and out the hospital for surgeries and over to stay with some of her family and finally into hospice… I just spent as much time with her as I could.

In that time, I met her parents, all of her siblings and many of her nieces and nephews. Some I saw a lot more than others; one of her brothers in particular was there quite a bit, too. She passed away in April 15, 2008 (which I have to say is a bit ironic cuz she was an Accountant… and she passed away on tax day… I think she planned it…)

(Arlene and Wade - Wade shaved his head after Arlene went through chemo)

I went to the funeral and of course went on with life. I ended up moving out of Tucson. I still thought/think about Arlene and miss her. A couple of weeks after the first anniversary of her death, her brother, Wade, noticed me through a mutual friend on FaceBook and thought it would be fun to say hi. He was the brother that was hanging around Arlene’s bedside about the same times and frequency as me. That was last April and we’ve been pen-pals since then. In September, he came up here and we had dinner to catch up and chat and reminisce. Then we met up a couple weeks later and then again… and since Halloween of last year, we’ve hung out every weekend except one when I was in Utah and he was in AZ.

We’ve both been divorced and we have some strong similarities in the experiences we’ve had with our ex’s. He has two very cute and sweet daughters. He works in education, kicks butt on the basketball court, is handsome and intelligent, enjoys reading and the outdoors, has a dog, takes great pictures, is a people person, and a lot of other really great things. We’re both the fourth kid from larger families, both exhibit middle child characteristics, both grew up in small towns, both love our kids, our families….

(Wade and his two daughters at a family reunion)

We’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what it will take for us to beat the odds. Statistically speaking, 50% of first marriages end in divorce and 70% of second marriages end in divorce. We’ve both been there and done that and are invested in avoiding it. We both experienced some extremes with our ex’s… and are hopeful that we’ve found something a little more stable and real-world…. (not having to deal with suicidal ideation and weighing whether or not NOW is the time to have him committed…!) But also realize we will have other problems that we’ll face. We have a bit of an age gap between us which may be interesting down the road as he reaches some milestones before me but having watched my mom die at a young age, it ups the value of having found what feels like home now.

(Our trip to SLC in November... you can tell it's Nov cuz I have blue streaks in my hair... today I have red...)

Speaking only for myself, it’s been a long and sometimes difficult journey to open myself up to trust and to work through some of the residual fears and concerns from my last marriage. I feel lucky because we started out as friends. I don’t know that I could have made this leap with someone I didn’t know for that long and I’ve gotten to see Wade at bad times (with the passing of his sister) and through a lot of good and fun times.

So we are looking real soon at having a small, simple little wedding. We want to have a small house party afterwards here and one in Tucson to just invite some friends and family over to celebrate with us. So I’ll keep you posted about that – we probably won’t do formal invitations… just kinda spread the word… but anyone who wants to come is welcome….

Did I miss anything?

Just Saying...